.This is side one, flip me over, I know I'm not your favourite record.
This is wrenching my heart out. Not breaking it, nor tearing it to pieces or some drama hectic stuff. It's pulling it out.
I don't want to go there and you know it as well as I do. I don't want to say those things because they've been piling up and I've tried to just let them go, 'cause, you're still you , and I would let anything go by just for that.
You're a part of me. And I'm not kidding, and I know that probably you'll never read this but I just have to write it down somewhere, and it may as well be here. You are one of those person who made me the way I am today. You are the one that brought me into music and you are the one that made me laugh when I was crying; you are the one that kept me up and going at three in the morning, you are the one that told me you loved me when I wasn't expecting it and God, it was one of the best things in the world. You are the one for which I went to Roma3 instead of someplace else, 'cause in the end I was going to see you EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY which was something I'd wanted since high school. You are the one to whom I told stuff I didn't tell anybody else, and you are the one from which I learned most of the stuff I know now. When I was sad I came to you 'cause you were the only one who could cheer me up, and I left my cellphone on so you could call at night if you felt like talking.
I remember that time when you called me crying 'cause of him and I hid undercovers and tried to calm you down. I rememeber the first time we met, I was wearing my green pants and you came to me and said "Er... cuz?" and then you laughed.
I guess I never told you how I love to hear you laughing, did I?
I remember that we walked for ten minutes and then I was like "Where are we going?" "Actually, I WAS FOLLOWING YOU."
I remember the times that we went over to Lo Zoppo when it was still near Termini, and I remember the time when we drank from that fountain and you had to drink from every single bocchetta otherwise it was bad luck. I remember the posts we wrote to each other, I remember the times we went to the movies and when we held hands even thought you don't like to be touchy. I remember the things before and then the days after , I remember sitting next t you and I remember that first day at the Uni when I'd asked you to keep me a seat cause I was late as usual. I remember opening that door and seeing you first, and then everything else. I remember the people you made me meet, and how I'd be lost without you.
I remember that morning you had to fly to Houston at about 5 am and I woke suddently ap at something like 4.30 and I sent you a message "just think happy thoughts and we'll fly home." . I remember the times we quoted Gee and the coming out of closets years afterwards (heterosexuality is not my point), I remember the morning of my High School oral exam and that I called you before I called anyone else.
I remember all the songs and all the conversations and all the laughter and the tears and the pics and the videos and the mornings and afternoons and the nights..
I am sorry if I made mistakes, if I treated you badly without noticing, if I didn't notice when you were down or angry. I am sorry if I didn't try hard enough to understand what was wrong,if it seemed like you couldn't come and tell me things anymore, I'm sorry if I let go of things because I thought you didn't care, I'm sorry if I went my way without looking back.
But What Happened in the middle? Where did we start going in different directions? Why can not I Seem To Reach You Anymore?
One morning, we where seated next to Each Other and fantasy book I was reading Some of mine. I heard your voice. I lifted my head, puzzled, and you said it again. The Answered "Me too." And I Smiled.
I love you. So please, do not go where I can not follow.
"Of everyone I love in life, Nana, for me there is only one hero. And that hero is you. "
0 comments:
Post a Comment